Little Red Schuschu
by Kiki-chan78
Summary: Little Red Schuschu has to go visit his Uncle Yohji to deliver a basket of goodies. Or at least that is What Kiki-chan the story teller wants. Please read for the insanity that ensues. Rating given because of some language and implications. Yaoi.


Disclaimers: I do not own Weiss Kreuz, or any of its respective characters.  
  
So please don't sue me, I don't have any money.  
  
   
  
Little Red Schuschu  
  
 Kiki-chan walks into gaudily decorated children's TV show set and accidentally trips over papier-mâché rock. After getting up, she stomps the rock flat. Realizing that the show is live, she scurries over to the 'story book corner.' (Story Book Corner: a corner with book shelves badly painted on the walls and a worn out Blues Clues Thinking Chair spray painted gold… the paint is starting to chip.)  
  
Hastily sitting down in the magical storybook chair, Kiki picks up an oversized book from behind the flaking chair.  
  
"Hi and welcome to Kiki-chan's Story Book Corner. Today's Fairy Tale is titled 'Little Red Schuschu'."  
  
Schuldig walks out on stage wearing a little blue dress and white apron. A white ruffled petticoat can be seen peeking out from underneath the skirt. White translucent stockings disappear up under the skirt, and little Mary Jane shoes complete the little girl look. "Kiki, I hate you. You know that don't you?"  
  
"Why yes Schuschu, I know that. . . and I can also see that you are missing something."  
  
"What? The flippin' bow?!" He pulls a blue satin ribbon from the pocket in the little white ruffled apron and ties it in his hair. "There! Happy now?"  
  
"Ooooh, nice! But that wasn't it."  
  
Schuldig looks at the petite hostess in disbelief, "what the hell am I missing then?" Looking momentarily uncomfortable he reaches up under the skirt and petticoat while muttering something about damn panties climbing up into his ass.  
  
"Ahem, this is supposed to be Little Red Schuschu. . . Hello? The red riding hood," Kiki sighs exasperatedly and pulls a little red cloak with a hood attached to it from behind the chair and puts it on Schuldig. "There, now you are dressed. Shall we continue?"  
  
"Please. . . This frikkin' garter belt are killing me."  
  
"Garter belt? There wasn't any garter belt in your wardrobe."  
  
Schuldig just laughs.  
  
"Ookay. . . continuing with the story. . .  
  
"Once upon a time there was a sweet little, ahem, boy called Little Red Schuschu that had gained the love of every one, even those that had only seen him once.  
  
Putting the book down Kiki looks over at Schuldig. "Mental manipulation right?"  
  
"Nope. . . Lust. Pure and simple."  
  
Kiki-chan just shakes her head and continues reading the story. . .  
  
'Now Little Red Schuschu had an Uncle that he loved very much. Unfortunately Little Red Schuschu's beloved Uncle Yohji had become quite ill. So Little Red Schuschu's mother handed him a basket filled with goodies and told him to take it to Uncle Yohji; for Uncle Yohji was ill and weak and this will do him good.  
  
Schuldig sits down on one of the rocks, legs spread indecently. "Most likely that it's just a hangover."  
  
"Please sit like. . . uhm, a lady?"  
  
"No. Deal with it."  
  
"Ahem, continuing."  
  
'Little Red Schuschu's mother then told him to make haste and get ready before the weather gets too hot, and go straight on the road while he was out and behave prettily and modestly; and do not run, for fear you shall trip and spill the basket contents and then Uncle Yohji would have no goodies. And when you pass through the village, do not forget to courtesy and say 'Good Morning' to everyone that knows you.'  
  
Schuldig glares at Kiki, "Kiki, you said nothing about pansy assed courtesies. . .  
  
Kiki just picks up covered basket and gives it to Schuldig, "and continuing with the story . . ."  
  
'Now before Little Red Schuschu left the house, his mother warned him to take care about the Big Bad Braddie. For the Big Bad Braddie so loved to do wicked and nasty things to sweet innocent little boys such as Little Red Schuschu.'  
  
"Hey Kiki, when the hell did I become sweet and innocent?" The redhead asks the diminutive sized hostess. "and when do I get to meet this Big Bad Braddie?"  
  
Kiki looks up at Schuldig, "You're right. . ."  
  
'Ahem, For the Big Bad Braddie so loved to do wicked and nasty things to little boys such as Little Red Schuschu'  
  
"Better Schuldig?"  
  
"Hey chibi, I ain't little."  
  
Kiki glares at the German in a blue dress. "Fine!! How about this? 'For the Big Bad Braddie so loved to do wicked and nasty things to shameless red haired German whores who can never be screwed enough.' Happy now?!"  
  
"Mein Gott, Kiki that was a little harsh. . ."  
  
Silently counting down from ten, Kiki practices deep breathing. "Now to continue. . ."  
  
'It was quite half an hour's walk through the wood from the village to Uncle Yohji's house, and so Little Red Schuschu happily went skipping along the path indicated by his mother.'  
  
"I don't Skip."  
  
Glare. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.  
  
'So Little Red Schuschu happily went walking along the path indicated by his mother. No sooner had Little Red Schuschu entered the wood, he met (Cue the bad guy music.) Big Bad Braddie.'  
  
Brad walks out on stage wearing his normal clothes. Looks over at Schuldig, whistles, and then turns his attention back to Kiki. "Kiki, do I really have to do this?"  
  
Schuldig meanwhile comments something along the lines of how hot Big Bad Braddie looks, as well as a few things that he wishes Big Bad Braddie would do to him that would be against the rules of this story.  
  
"Hey Braddie, it was either have you or Aya" Kiki explains, "and personally I don't relish the thought of him jumping through my set brandishing a katana yelling 'SHINE' while chasing Schuschu. Besides, I could never get Aya to go along with the script."  
  
Thinking it over a little, Braddie has to agree with the logic. "And could you cut out the Braddie business? I would prefer to be called Crawford, Brad at the very least."  
  
"Okay Braddie," is the giggled response from Kiki. "Story!"  
  
'So the Big Bad Braddie walked up to Little Red Schuschu and said "My oh my, what an adorable little boy you are. Where are you going so early, Little Red. . .'  
  
"I can't call him that!" Brad flately states.  
  
"Gott Himmell Brad, how do you think I feel about it."  
  
"True."  
  
Kiki stands up from the chair. . . brushes gold paint flakes from her jeans. "Uhm, gentlemen. . . Can we get back to the Fairy Tale please?"  
  
Schuldig looks thoughtful for a moment, "Fairy Tale? Where are the Fairies then?" he queries to the hostess that is getting more than a little distraught.  
  
From off stage Yohji walks in, and strikes an 'I'm so sexy pose'. "Oy, I hate to break it to you. . . but we are the *beep*ing Fairies." Yohji takes a look over at Schuldig, "What is taking you so long to get to my place anyway?"  
  
Shrugging Schuldig replies, "a little of this, a little of that . . . and weren't you supposed to be dying or something?"  
  
"It was a hangover to tell the truth, and I'm feeling a lot better now," is the nonchalant answer the blond playboy gives.  
  
Brad interrupts the pointless banter, while eying the basket, "Can we get to something more interesting already?"  
  
Suspiciously Schuldig eyes the basket, "what is in here anyway?" Opening it up he starts listing off just a few of the contents . . . "Condoms, lube, handcuffs, apples, grapefruits . . . what the?!"  
  
"Yeah," Yohji states, "those are the supplies for the weekend long orgy that I had planned for Weiss and Schwarz, minus Farf and Ken naturally."  
  
Holding up the handcuffs Schuldig says, "Alright, but I kill the person that tries to put these on me."  
  
Brad reaches over and snatches the cuffs from the red haired German. "No problem. Those are to attach Ken to the radiator, he is trying to prove that he is gay again, and you know how annoying that is."  
  
A collective shiver runs through the three men. The silence being broken by Yohji, "Anyway . . . lets go. Aya, Omi and Nagi have already started without us . . ."  
  
Sobs can be heard from Story Book Corner as Kiki breaks down. "You frikkin' bastards . . . You Bastards destroyed my Fairy Tale . . ."  
  
Schuldig just looks at her before commenting. "Hey Kiki, you said that it was a Fairy Tale. So, this Fairy is gonna go and get some Tail!!!" "Goodbye" and he dashes (as only a red haired German in a blue dress with lace petticoats can) off catching up with Brad and Yohji. 


End file.
